Snowball

Fuzzy

Spammy

HAMSTERS EAT CHILD’S HOMEWORK? Cleveland, Ohio April 14th

     Bobby Jamison, age 10, found himself at the center of an intense police investigation when he alleged that his three pet hamsters (Snowball, Fuzzy, and Spammy) were involved in a bizarre “Homework Eating Conspiracy”.

     Mrs. Ethyl York, Bobby’s teacher, notified local Police when she heard the horrid details of Bobby’s missing homework.

Bobby Jamison, age 10

     “Bobby’s a good boy,” Mrs. York explained, “but he almost never turns in his homework. He’s always got one excuse or another. One time, burglars broke into his house and stole it… another time a huge tornado blew in and whisked his homework away. Still another time, Bigfoot jumped out of an alley and grabbed it right out of his hands.”

     But local police took a special interest in Bobby’s most recent claims.

     “We take hamster attacks very seriously nowadays,” said Officer McGullible, “because it’s been in the news a lot lately, and, well… we like to get our pictures in the paper.”

     Bobby (age 10), became very emotional when retelling his harrowing tale to the police just four weeks ago.

     “I finish my homework every night,” Bobby said, “but when I wake up in the morning, it’s always gone.

     The only possible explanation is that my hamsters are eating it while I sleep.”

     “We wanted to catch the hamsters in the act,” said Officer McGullible. “So we set up video cameras and surveillance equipment all around Bobby’s house. Just to be on the safe side, we also had S.W.A.T. team members on the roof.”

     The stake-out lasted three weeks, but no evidence against the hamsters was obtained.

     “I just don’t understand it,” said Officer McGullible.

     “We watched those hamsters around the clock… and nothing!”

     After the third week of the investigation, police began to suspect that the reason no homework was being eaten was because Bobby hadn’t done any homework at all.

     When questioned, Bobby stated that he HAD done his homework during the three week stakeout, but he was pretty sure it had all been stolen by UFO’s.

     Police are now sifting through three weeks worth of compiled videotape, looking for any evidence of the alleged UFO Homework Abduction Conspiracy.

     “We’re still going to keep our eyes on those hamsters,” said Officer McGullible, “because, honestly… that UFO story seems a little far-fetched.”